Reconstruction Vol. 15, No. 2

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What is Xing: Defining Sexuality in Young Urban Chinese Women's Daily Lives / Ying-ying Huang

Abstract This paper examines Chinese women's perception of 'xing', the term for sex/sexuality in daily lives. It bases on in-depth interviews with 38 urban Chinese women born in 1970s, participant observation and experience of daily lives. Xing is a fluxing concept in changing contexts. Husband-wife life, a term got popular in Mao's era (1950s) is still widely used, which has a strong implication of relationship within marriage and the life far more than sexuality. However, it is challenged by 'sexuality out of marriage is much sexier and attractive'. The logic that supports these two statements calls for a reflection on the triangle between love, sex and marriage under the background of sexual revolution. In a bodily level, xing is coined with the understanding of so-called vagina- penis intercourse between beloved couple. Within this framework, the important components as (marital/non-marital) relationship, gender (heterosexual/homosexual), love and desire are emerging. As a conclusion, xing is not an independent and individually based concept; it opens for challenging in a transitional society, especially requires an affirmative 'gendered' understanding beyond the heterosexual imagination.

Keywords body; sexuality; gender; China; daily life

Introduction

<1> With the coming of AIDS and a sexual revolution in China (Pan 2004), Chinese society has begun to show publicly more and more concern with regard to sex-related topics such as sexual health, sex education, casual sex, unsafe sex, and sexual abuse as well as xinggan （sexiness）(Huang 2005). Most of the voices commenting on sex are from the Internet, other mass media, and popular publications, all of which give the impression that China is quite open about sex nowadays. However, little research has been done to explore how people actually define and understand sex and sexuality in their daily lives and how it is changing in a rapidly transition society except for some work done by Suiming Pan and Yinhe Li (Pan 1988, 1995, 2004, Li 1998). Xing, the most basic and popular Chinese term referring to both sex and sexuality, is thus taken for granted and the medicalized and male-dominated understanding of xing is often left unchallenged.

<2> With the recent wave of translating English books into Chinese, there have been some academic discussions about how to translate 'sexuality' considering that the existing term xing is more closely translated as 'sex' rather than 'sexuality'. In order to emphasize the social and cultural meanings underline xing and to differentiate it from "sex"， some researchers are either trying to invent new terms for 'sexuality', such as sexual phenomenon（xingxianxiang）, sexual experience（xingjingyan）, sexual status（xingtai ）, the existence of xing （xingcunza）and 'xing' （xing with a quotation marks）(Peng 2005, Pan 2006), or trying to change the existing concept framework of xing to embed with more social and cultural meanings and both refer to "sex" and "sexuality".

<3> Similarly, the terms 'sex' and 'sexuality' point to fluid concepts in English.. A review of the literature and also my chatting with some English speaking friends indicate that sex is much more behavior based with an essentialism understanding, while sexuality has become popular since the social and sexual revolution movements in 1960s and with the emphasis on sexual identity. Sexuality not only relates to the body, but also to language, ritual and fantasy, etc (Tan 1998：13). Some research has been conducted to examine different understandings of sexuality between men and women with the basic conclusion that women's definition of sexuality is much broader than men's (Robinson et al. 1980, Bogart, L. M et al. 2000). Men are more likely to define sexuality as sexual intercourse and focus on certain bodily parts such as the breast or vagina, while women are much more interested in the intimate relationship embedded in sexuality (Robinson et al. 1980).

<4> Xing has been discussed on many different occasions in people's lives. However, have we ever stopped to think about what we mean when we utter the word? Are we talking about the same concept just because the same word is used? What does 'xing' really mean to women, and what underlining perceptions are involved?

<5> In this paper, I will discuss the conceptual framework of women's xing in a changing sexual culture based on daily lives and women's own voices, examine its main components and seek for a gendered understanding of xing from sex to sexuality.

Methodology

Listening, observing and experiencing women's daily lives

<6> Semi-structured in-depth interviews combining observation and experience of daily lives were utilized in this project to encourage interviewees to express themselves using their own terms and to interpret what xing meant to them. Their intuitive responses, modes of expression, and the way they spoke were analysed. In addition, daily life is mentioned a lot in this study, which allowed for appropriate contextualization of their remarks.

<7> Considering that the difficulty of conducting a study focused on sexuality is not only that people don't want to talk about this topic, but also that people don't know how to talk about it, I paid special attention to the interview tactics employed. There is one way that could help to conduct a much more objective analysis-bring in the situational factors and explore conflicted ideas-in fact, a different situation results in different answers (Kaufmann 2001: 177).

<8> An inductive approach has been widely used in sexuality studies (Whitehead and Carpenter 1999, Kaufmann 2001) and is utilized in our study to allow ideas to emerge empirically from the field in the course of the study.

<9> A gender perspective is emphasized in the study by looking into the relationship between men and women in terms of sexuality and the body. Men were not actually interviewed in this study, but the role of male partners and the male "gaze" in constructing women's perception of xing were examined.

Urban women born in 1970s

<10> Thirty-eight Chinese women aged 25-34 who were working or studying in Beijing were interviewed. These women are usually called white-collar workers in China and are considered to have better education, higher salary, much more fashion sense, and more openness than the general female population. In a phrase, they enjoy a higher social status. They often work as managers, clerks in foreign capital corporations and joint ventures, reporters, editors, researchers/teachers etc. They are often considered to be on the wave of sexual revolution going on in China and are more likely to talk about sexuality and the body.

<11> In addition, both the interviewers and interviewees are females born in the 1970s, who usually think of themselves as a link between the preceding and the following generations and who have experienced the social and sexual transition that began in the 1980s. Variables such as occupation (working environment) and current sexual relationship (with husband, steady boyfriend, etc.) were considered when selecting the interviewees. As our study showed, all these social factors and contexts contribute to understanding (this category of) women's definition of xing.

Data collection and analysis

<12> Fully informed consent was gained before we began the interviews and recordings. Interviews were conducted in separate and private rooms that provided an appropriate setting for interviewing. Chatting rather than Q & A (question and answer) was preferred. Interviews usually began with drinking or eating a meal and were completed in one-to-two hours. The relationship between interviewers and interviewees could be termed "friend's friends" or "not-so-close friends," which we believe, in the Chinese context, could engender the basic trust necessary for women to feel free to speak out about sexuality but at the same time leave a certain distance so as to avoid the embarrassment of exposing oneself "nakedly" in front of close friends whom one might meet every day.

<13> All the data are recorded, coded and analyzed in two ways: by case study (analysis of data throughout one case) and by thematic study (analysis of data under each topic). The findings draw heavily on Chinese women's own statements and comments to show how they perceive the concept of xing.

Findings

Xing: The life between husband and wife (fuqi shenghuo)

<14> If marriage is a fortress besieged, then sex is one thing that has been besieged to it. In other words, an understanding of sex and sexuality within marriage is emphasized intuitively by most of our participants.

<15> Fuqi shenghuo (the life between husband and wife) is an alternative phrase for 'xing' when we asked the participants what's their first reaction to the word 'xing'.

(What do you mean by saying 'xing'?-interviewer) Life between husband and wife(fuqi shenghuo). It (xing) is a 'can't be missed' part of love, or relationship between two persons. It should not only be animal-like, but should include emotions (D1).

The things (sexual behaviors) between husband and wife. A dim light, should not be totally dark, a warm atmosphere, have feelings between two persons--- I don't know how to explain, maybe red wine, don't drink too much though-really hard to say--- (laughing) (D3)

The first reaction to 'xing'? (Paused for a while--) En, an expression of love between husband and wife. Kissing, petting, these two are the most common behaviors I got from the TV - if back to daily life, petting and other bodily touching--- (W9)

<16> The term fuqi shegnhuo (life between husband and wife) was first invented by the communist party in the 1950s and is an implied word widely used for sexual activities among married couples. It also indicates that sex is one part of the marriage life. In other words, sex is rationalized and legalized by marriage. Moreover, sex here is a long term relationship and takes on family meanings. It is widely accepted by people especially above 50 years old and also emphasized intuitively by our participants: women in late 20s or early 30s here as we can read from the quotations cited above.

<17> Thus, the pinpoint of fuqing shenghuo of the concept 'xing' implies the importance of marriage and family life which is far more than behaviour based and corporeal focused sex. Although participant D3 stated the romantic sexual scene between husband and wife, generally the term lacks an expression of desire and pleasure.

<18> Participants D1, D3 and W9 interpret 'xing' in the framework of 'husband and wife' relationship and all of them emphasize the element of love and emotion in the concept. Slightly differently, D1 points out an understanding of xing beyond animal-like behaviours without any emotion and love involved. Animal-like or with love is also the main differentiation between women's sexuality and men's sexuality imagined by women (Huang 2005). D3 focuses on the romantic expectation of the atmosphere of sexuality: a sentimental and beautiful scene with some symbolic activities such as drinking some red-wine in a dim room. W9 perceives sexuality as the bodily expression of love, being characterized as petting and kissing.

<19> More detailed analysis on D1's narrative implies the changing relationship between love and sex in a Chinese context. The statement 'It (xing) should not only be animal-like, but should include emotions' expresses the importance of emotion and love in the framework of sex, while "It (xing) is a 'can't be missed' part of love" (D1) actually indicates the importance of sex in the framework of love. These two sentences have different meanings and implicate a changing understanding of the relationship between sex and love in a Chinese context. That sex should be emotion and love-based is an un-surprising statement and a lot of studies have shown that the difference between women's understanding of sex and that of men's is how emotion has been involved in sex. (Robinson et al. 1980, Li 1998, Bogart et al. 2000, Pan 2004, 2006) This is also the case with Chinese women. Emotion based understanding of xing is even more obvious in a gendered context. In other words, when we put xing in the context of 'women's sexuality vs. men's sexuality' [HU1] context, the role of love and emotion as for women while the physical behaviour as for men is polarized imagined.

<20> However, the discourse as 'sex is an essential part of love'has some revolutionary meaning. It challenges popular sayings such as pure love ( chunjie de aiqing), woman is an animal of love while man is an animal of sex（nvren shi ai de dongwu, nanren shi xing de dongwu ）, sex is vulgar, the female is non-sexual etc. In other words, sexual love emerges from D1's statement and indicates a re-definition of the relationship between love and sex against the discourse regulating women's sexuality as worshiping love while depreciating sex, or [HU2] asexual.

<21> Sexuality has different dimensions when we examine it in a different axis. Besides defining xing in a love or behaviour context, we can examine the concept in a bodily-practice context from W9's statement. We can find that bodily touching between the couple, which is an expression of love, is the main component. The typical practices of 'bodily touching' are kissing and petting rather than sexual intercourse (xingjiao). However, that doesn't mean the understanding of 'sexual intercourse' is already challenged by women consciously. The absence of sexual intercourse in W9's definition of sex here has two possible interpretations if we read it in a more broadly context and together with other statements.

<22> Firstly, in Chinese language, sexual intercourse (xingjiao) is a very direct expression of sex while kissing and petting is quite implied[HU3] and 'beautiful'. Many women don't like the term xingjiao because 'it's too dry and naked (too direct without any disguise)'. It is often used in medical books or formally written books which are very behaviour based and "emotionless" as our informants said. As alternatives, the more popularly used terms are making love (zuo'ai)，or even more vaguely, that kind of thing (nashi)，sleep (Shuijiao)，things happen in the bedchamber (fangshi) etc. Of course, there are lots of vulgar terms directly referring to having sex, especially sexual intercourse, such as cao(fuck), gan (do/fuck), diao (fuck), but more commonly used by men than women (Huang 2006). Thus, like W9, women prefer to use some implied [HU4] expressions such as 'bodily touching' in their narratives which does not mean they already challenged the sexual intercourse coined concept of 'xing' as we found out later in another context: bodily definition of xing that turned to be strongly sexual intercourse focused.

<23> However, an alternative interpretation of the absence of sexual intercourse in the framework of xing in W9's statement is also reasonable. That is: although sexual intercourse is still the dominant understanding of xing, kissing and petting are preferred by most of our informants as the typical expressions of love. Similarly, another participant J5 described her imagination of sexual scene: a man and a woman kissing in the rain. This could be interpreted as a challenge to the male dominated understanding of sex as sexual intercourse.

<24> These two seemingly [HU5] controversial interpretations both sound reasonable to me. First, the dominant definition of xing with the focus on sexual intercourse do have great influence over women's perception; but women's understanding of kissing and petting etc. as an important part of xing is less explored. To be more exact, the contexts that make women's understanding more visible is lacking exploration. Second, it depends on the point of view held by us as researchers while interpreting the narratives. As for me, a view that exploring women's autonomous understanding of sexuality is pinpointed without loosing the critical lens of a social construction perspective in a male dominated sexual culture.

<25> Whatever kind of sexual practices are actually involved in framework of xing 'life between husband and wife' strongly indicating marriage as the precondition, emotion and love as the component, and daily bodily touching [HU6] as the expression.

A much sexier xing: Sexuality out of marriage

<26> Although the most common reaction toward xing is sex within marriage, there appears another statement that 'sexuality out of marriage is much sexier and attractive'. A few participants emphasize their understanding of xing within the context of extra-marital sex.

(First reaction to xing?) (Pause for a while) Such as xinggan (sexiness), one night stand (yiyeqing), seduce, hot, you don't mean the direct expression, say, sexual intercourse, do you? These are the most common reactions toward xing in my mind. It seldom reminds me husband and wife, marriage, etc. Marriage won't give me a sense of sex. When I saw in the movie the couple sitting there and having some sexual intimacy, I feel very awkward. If it is between (unmarried) lovers, seems much more sexual. Making love among couple is too daily based, just like eating, won't bring a sense of sexiness. Xing, should be combined with some red wine. Lover, red wine, romantic encounter seems much more closely to xing. It should have some sense of qingdiao (sentiment, romantic, sense of petty bourgeoisie) (you mean husband and wife is too 'normal' or daily based to be sexual?-interviewer) Yes, sex between husband and wife won't bring me beautiful imagination of sex and hard to stir sexual desire. (This is kind of sad, isn't it? - interviewer) Yes! (M8)

<27> As we have analyzed in the first part, sex within marriage is the most common reaction to xing, rather than one night stand, seduce, hot and sexy sex raised by M8. M8's statement obviously challenges the main ideology of xing. As for participant M8, this kind of sexual desire only exists between lovers with red wine in a romantic atmosphere.

<28> M8 emphasized that marriage destroys a sexy and desirable understanding of xing. Another informant J4 didn't de-sexualize marriage in an obvious way, instead, she described a concrete and implied scene to express her imagination of xing out of marriage, especially with people in their 40s:

I feel in our age and our era, sex is no longer a taboo. Personally speaking, (sex) is not a forbidden topic, can be talked openly between some good friends. People ten years older than us, say in their 40s may talk about it in a kidding way, but won't be as open as we can. They'll hide some parts. But I feel people in the 40s their love life is different from ours. Their sex must base on some special emotion and has some special attraction which is different from our experience.--- has much more rich meaning- I remembered a movie that talks about a man and a woman in their 40s having extra-marital affair. They do love each other. But both of them have their own families and not like us, they can't be easily got divorced because of a lot of social considerations. This is kind of sad, but they do feel very happy together. I keep thinking about sexual relationship in that situation which is far beyond sex itself, very profound and complicated, and sentimental. People in their 40s, they have experienced so much already. Because I don't have that kind of experience, I always think of that, what would sex be like for them? (J4)

<29> Participant J4 is attracted to sexual relationship among people in their 40s, especially extra-marital sexuality which is embedded with a lot of social [HU7] disciplines, deviated from the normal structure and out of J4's own experience. The deviation and complication characteristics make the concept of xing more attractive and rich.

<30> Both M8 and J4 imagine xing that deviates from the 'life between husband and wife'. Both of them are editors of some fashion magazines and seem much more open about the topic of sexuality comparing to women in other occupations. They themselves scheme sex as the theme of their magazines and have more thinking on this issue in their daily lives.

Xing is the 'Relationship between a man and a woman (Nannv guanxi)'

<31> 'Life between husband and wife' and 'sexuality out of marriage is a sexier xing' both are under the framework of 'the relationship between a man and a woman' (nannv guanxi), another popular term pointed out by the participants for xing in contemporary China.　　　

<32> 'Nannv guanxi' (the relationship between a man and a woman) was invented in Mao's era in 1950s. Different from 'the life between husband and wife' in that age, it actually referred to sexual activities and relationship out of marriage with very negative and political meaning. It was often used in official documents to state a man and a woman having some 'improper' relationship and requested morally and politically punishment. A person could be dismissed from the working unit (danwei) because his/her 'being promiscuous of the relationship between a man and a woman' (luan gao nannv guanxi).

<33> But the meaning is changing. As for my reading[HU8] of our participants understanding of 'relationship between a man and a woman', the sexual meaning is still there, but it blurs the boundary of 'marital' and 'non-marital'. Besides, with the more and more tolerant attitude toward non-marital sexuality, the derogatory sense is decreasing.

<34> 'The relationship between a man and a woman', 'life between husband and wife' and 'sexuality out of marriage is a sexier xing' all have a strong heterosexual implication. None of our participants claim they are lesbian in this study, which is partly because of our recruitment method (snowball). All of our participants unconsciously define xing in the heterosexual framework as the main ideology of sexuality. However, when we point out the issue of homosexual and heterosexual more obviously, there do have women redefining their concept of xing and agree thatxing is not limited to heterosexual, although not all of the participants feel comfortable with the idea of same-sex love　 (tongxinglian) which is perceived to be 'abnormal' or 'sick' according the social norms in China.

<35> Moreover, the statement as 'relationship between a man and a woman' also indicates sex within the relationship. Could xing be solitary sex? Could it be masturbation, fantasy, watching pornography? The answers are [HU9] kind of missing (which could be read as negative) from the narratives as 'life between husband and wife', 'sexuality out of marriage is sexier' and 'the relationship between a man and a woman'.

Constructing the framework of women's understands of xing

<36> Is xing male -female relationship-based, especially within the marriage? Is xing behaviour-based? Does it include the notions of mutual consent, love, affection, and other feelings? With regard to the body and bodily touching, what's the boundary between sexual and non-sexual?

<37> To put these issues on the table, we pointed out and listed different relationships and behaviours to ask our participants' opinions if these contents are part of their framework of xing and more importantly: why. These contents include: masturbation, same-gender sex, sex dreams, sexual imagination, watching naked body, watching sexual interactions and bodily touching from hand in hand, kissing, petting, touching the leg etc. to having sexual intercourse.

<38> The general answer is: all of these could be xing to different degree, but again, the sexual meaning is not as strong as sexual relationship, especially vaginal-penis sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, especially between a couple.

<39> We could draw a framework of women's understanding of xing from their responses as follow:

Figure 1: The framework of women's understand of xing

1. Centre: Vagina-penis intercourse between beloved heterosexual couple;

2. Bodily touching of the sensitive parts such as breast and vagina with men; non-marital sexual relationship;

3. Bodily touching of some less sensitive parts such as legs, kissing and petting between two people; masturbation, sex dream and fantasy, same gender sex

4. Watching two persons having sex and talking about sex;

5. Bodily touching such as hand in hand, lying together between two people, watching naked body and reading love stories.

<40> No matter how many efforts have been made to challenge the typical dominant concept of xing in academic, the centre part is the core definition of women's sexuality which could still be concluded as: vagina-penis intercourse between beloved heterosexual couple. Almost all of our participants agree that under the condition of such a practice, it is definitely 'xing'. The components underlined are: marriage, heterosexual relationship (a male and a female), love, vagina-penis intercourse. Non marital, and practices other than vagina-penis intercourse between a man and a woman are positioned in the second circle. Same-gender-sex and solitude sex are in an even outer space. The sexual meaning is [HU10] wading when the circles expanded and ends in bodily touching such as hand in hand between two people, watching naked body and reading love stories.

Discussion

Xing is the life between husband and wife' vs. 'Sexuality out of marriage is a sexier xing'

<41> The term 'fuqi shenghuo', as we said, is widely used since 1950s and excludes sexuality out of marriage. The role of marriage as the precondition and institution of sexuality is the main content and heritage of Confucius's culture. Before the implementation of One Child Policy in early 1980s, sex for reproduction is the main philosophy, and the worship of family and child bearing regulates sex within marriage (Pan 2004, 2006). Nowadays the term expresses the legal and rational regulation of sexuality within a heterosexual married relationship. Influenced both by Confucius's tradition and political discipline, this ideology has been embedded deeply in women's daily lives and consists of the main part of the framework of xing.

<42> Comparing to the narrative 'xing is life between husband and wife' which obeys the ideology of mainstream, 'sexuality out of marriage is a sexier xing' works as a 'counter-discourse' (Foucault 2001: 14). It becomes popular in a transition society like China and challenges the social norms. It is supported by the sayings such as 'marriage is the tomb of romantic sex' (hunyin shi aiqing de fenmu), 'the red flag at home is still not collapse while colored flags are afluttering out of home' (jia nei hongqi budao, jiawai caiqi piaopiao), 'domestic flower smells less fragrant than the wild flower' (jiahua buru yehua xiang),.love out of marriage (hunwailian), hiring a second wife (bao'er nai), foster little honey (yang xiaomi) (Huang 2006). These sayings are more likely to refer to men who prefer or have extra-marital sexuality.

<43> If we examine the contents of the two statements, we'll see that xing in the context of 'the life between husband and wife' has the meaning of a legal (married) relationship, living and eating together and the social obligations, which is very daily based and regular scheduled yet lacks attraction. [HU11] "Sexuality out of marriage' is not restricted to so many social relationships and seems much more referring to sexuality itself. However, as we can read from the quotations, 'sexuality out of marriage' here is not only sexual practices or desire, more importantly, the romantic (comparing to regular daily based) relationship involved. That is also why Chinese term for an extra-marital sexual relationship is "hunwailian" (love out of marriage) rather than "hunwaixing"（sex out of marriage）. This is more true to women's xing as to men's.

<44> The two statements seem [HU12] controversial and conflict with each other. However, if we examine the social contexts and meanings underline, we'll find that these two interpretations together express the popular logic: xing should be within marriage; however, xing out of marriage is much more attractive. The first part is from the moral perspective which is according to the main ideology of sexuality and refers to regulating sex in certain legal and moral framework, [HU13] while the latter part is about the quality of sex, means although sex within marriage is reasonable, it is less attractive but much more like an obligation; although sexuality out of marriage is 'abnormal', it is much more sexier and pleasurable. In some sense, it is an imagination toward the happiness brought by a deviated practice of sexuality and bases on the disappointment of sexuality within marriage.

<45> It doesn't matter whether sexuality out of marriage is 'really' much more attractive or not, but the changing relationship between love, sex and marriage involves[HU14] . These two discourses together require more discussions and reflections on the social construction of the concept of xing, especially its interaction with love and marriage in contemporary China and its social contexts.

Sexual relatioinship, love, desire and gender : the key social criteria under the framework of women's understand of xing:

[HU15] <46> It's not important that whether our informants really put A or B in their framework, rather, the criteria they use to define sexuality. These criteria include marriage (marital/non-marital), gender (heterosexual/homosexual), relationship or solitude-based, love or behaviour-based, different parts of the body with different sexual meanings (from more sexual vagina, breast, to less sexual legs and lips, and to hand) etc. Based on these socially constructed criteria, a sexual hierarchy (Rubin 1999/1984) is established.

<47> Pan Suiming [HU16] (2004), a renowned researcher on sexualities in China has examined the changing relationships among family, marriage, love and sex in the framework of primary life cycle in a sexual revolution context. The changing includes increasing separation of sex from procreation; the increasing recognition of the significance of sex in marriage; the growing understanding that love is superior to traditional conceptions of the institution of marriage; the growing freedom of sexual desire from the constraints of romantic feelings, and the generational shift in the nature of female sexuality. He further concluded that the rapid changing is neither a straightforward product of 'Western influences', nor even of dramatic changes within the nature of sexuality itself; rather, it stems from the radical changes that have occurred due to the interactions between [HU17] sex and sexuality and the other components aspects of the primary life cycle (Pan 2004, 2006).

<48> Under this background of sexual revolution in a broad context analyzed by [HU18] Pan Suiming, this paper examines the concept of sexuality, more specifically, one generation of women's sexuality in its relationship with other social components. Bases on the study on the concept of xing among women who are born in 1970s and are experiencing the transitional process of sexual culture, we will discuss the relationship between sexual desire, (marital/non-marital) sexual relationship, love and gender in the framework of women's definition of xing [HU19] :

<49> Sexual relationship (xing guanxi): As we can concluded from the study, sexual relationship is the core and basic criteria of xing. A marital sexual relationship (life between husband and wife) is the main definition of xing. Sexual pleasure and sexual desire are not fully considered. Sexual relationship out of marriage is a deviated part of the definition but imagined to be much sexier and desired. Thus, the 'intimate relationship' which is far more than behaviours, either [HU20] rational but less attractive or deviated but attractive, is emphasized.

<50> In the discourse of 'life between husband and wife', the definition of xing lacks gender sensitivity. It is very common and 'natural' for most of the women to imagine xing in a heterosexual relationship. However, different from the traditional understanding of xing in an adult heterosexual and marital relationship which obeys 'sex for reproduction' (Pan 2004, 2006), women, who are experiencing the transitional process of the social and cultural contexts in this study, understand xing not for reproductive purpose. Although there is still some distance to reach the philosophy of 'sex for pleasure', the changing is happening.

<51> Love is another important component of xing, to be more exactly, a beautiful imagination of xing. The sexier imagination of xing in an extra-marital sexual relationship is not based on the behavior, but rather the beautiful emotion and romantic atmosphere and feelings. Sexuality out of marriage is more exactly to be love out of marriage (hunwailian) as for women. Comparatively, most of married men are more likely to seek the behaviour and pleasure in a non-marital relationship. In other words, it is love, rather than purely sexual desire that women are seeking in a non-marital relationship. Moreover, the love in a non-marital relationship is more related to romantic love. Romantic love was introduced into China in early 20th century around the May Fourth Movement of 1919. Before that, it is the family love, gratitude love among husband and wife (fuqi en'ai)　that are emphasized (Pan 2004, 2006). Even nowadays, family love and gratitude love rather than romantic love exist in most of the marriages. [HU21] It also indicates that romantic love and sexual love is fading with long-time marriage which somehow supports the discourse that marriage is the tomb of the (romantic) love（hunyin shi aiqing de fenmu）as we described.

<52> Besides, in the discourses of either marital or non marital sexuality, either romantic or gratitude love, gender is neglected in a sense that heterosexual is taken for granted.

<53> Desire: Although desire is not as significant as the role of relationship and love, sexual desire with the involvement of desire for love is also emerging in the definition of xing against the asexual imagination of women's sexuality and [HU22] disciplining a less sexual woman as a 'good' woman. The affirmative attitude toward sex, sexual attraction, sexual love and sexy expression of the body (Jiang 2003, Huang 2005) appearing in women's narratives make a desired female body more visible in daily lives.

<54> Actually in Chinese history (and also nowadays), there are some beliefs, also novels and terms talking that women are strong in sexual desire, especially when they reach middle-age, like women in 30s are wolves, in 40s are tigers, in 50s could even absorb the dust ( nvren sanshi ru lang, sishi ruhu, wushi zuodi neng xitu). Afraid of Yin (kongyin) is used to describe the phenomenon that men are afraid of women's sex.

<55> Again, homosexual is neglected. Just as the Advanced Chinese Dictionary (2002) puts homosexual (Tongxinglian) as a 'abnormal sexual desire'：'(Homosexual is) sexual love between same-sex, an abnormal sex referring to one having sexual desire to a same-sex person'.

<56> Gender: As we have noted above, a gendered understanding of sexuality is more expressed in a female-male relationship. Although there are a lot of beautiful stories about homosexual love, especially among men and homosexual issues in entering public recently, heterosexuality is still a seemingly 'natural' reaction and core understanding for most of the women. Moreover, the concept of 'gender' (shehuixingbie) 　translated as social sex itself is introduced and applied heterosexually to China by some feminists in 1980s with the special focus on women's social status and unequal power relationship between men and women (Li et al. 1997, Yang 1999, Du and Wang 2004), while neglect heterosexual and homosexual issues. In recent years, luckily to say, the 'gender' perspective with a sense of sexual identity is emerging in academic field and hopefully could be applied to people's daily lives and challenge the heterosexual dominated framework of xing as we concluded in this study.

<57> Within the female-male framework, there does exist great difference between men and women as our participants imagined. Men in Chinese culture are emphasizing desire and then relationship and love, while women are focusing on relationship, love and then desire.

Sexology from the 'west' and traditional Chinese understanding of sexuality as the two important factors embedded in the framework of xing

<58> Xing (性) was introduced to China at the end of the 19^th century and was re-emphasized since 1980s with a strong background of sexology which referred to the "Sexology era" in the western together with the waves of translation Western publications. The sexological understanding of 'xing' believes that sex is universal, natural and instinct motivation and encourages scientific knowledge of sex (Weeks,1985 ). There do exist many local terms such as the word se （色）referring to both sex and sexuality before it was translated as 'xing'(性).(Huang 2006). In traditional China, just as ren (person) never referred to the individual, but rather was incorporated into jia (family), so too xing (sex) was never an independent category but rather was submerged within a greater totality we conceptualized as 'primary life cycle' consists of marriage, love, family, reproduction and sexuality [HU23] (Pan Suiming 2004, 2006).

<59> All of these components of the concept of xing as we draw from women's narratives indicate that these thoughts have influenced the framework of women's construction of sex and sexuality in contemporary China in their daily lives. On the one hand, the sexology understanding of xing with an strong enphaiss on heterosexual relationship, vagina-penis intercourse focused is strong in women's framework of xing. On the other hand, although China is experiencing a sexual revolution indicating the rapid changes in sexuality , including women's sexuality [HU24] (Pan 2004), the sexual culture coined with Confucius tradition and yin/yang idea is still obvious in women's definition of xing in daily lives. Influenced by this tradition, xing could not be an independent existence; rather, it exists in the interactions with other factors such as relationship, marriage and love. Moreover, the yin/yang theory encourages a 'xing' as a harmonious existence between male (refers to yang) and female (refers to yin), especially through their intercourse, rather than exists independently on one person or homosexual. Thus, the definition of women's xing is not an independent concept as 'sex' in English within an individualism culture, it firstly exists in certain interpersonal relationships, especially male-female relationship.

Conclusion: Xing as a dependent and open concept

<60> Then, what is 'xing'? Xing is not an independent and individual based existence in China with two meanings. Firstly, the concept itself is constructed through the interactions with relationship, love, marriage etc as we discussed; secondly, xing is relationship-based first, and then could be individually exist. This understanding is still strong in most of women's daily lives and hasn't yet been changed a lot by the ongoing sexual revolution. However, the concept is also opening for challenging and inputting new components such as individual desire and a gendered understanding.

<61> Before encouraging or criticizing the socially constructed definition, this dependent and open conceptual framework should be read in the concrete contexts which are far more complicated than the term 'transitional society'. These contexts are the result of the interactions by many factors, especially the Confucius 's and Yin/yang traditional culture, political regulation from Mao's era, modern western and Hong Kong movies since the open-door policy, women's own sexual and bodily experience in their daily lives, influences in more micro-level from family, partners, close friends and colleagues etc (Huang 2005). It is much more complicated than a result from 'influence from the West' or from the 'tradition' (Pan 2004, 2006, Huang 2005).

<62> The importance of the components of xing, such as sexual relationship, love and sexual desire has challenged the medicalized understanding of sex introduced to China through early 20^th and 1980s (Pan 2004) in some sense. In other words, an evolving understanding of xing from sex to sexuality is happening. But the understanding of vagina-penis focused and genderless definition of xing influenced by the sexology thought still lack of challenging. It requires us to explore potential space to enable women to negotiate the definition of xing to further step.

<63> The study is interesting and challenging in terms of the process of questioning the taken for granted understanding of xing, rather than seeking a certain answer in a sense[HU25] . Most of our participants felt confused as the interviews proceeded when we asked them if same gender sex, reading sexual material, telling 'yellow' （erotic）jokes, dreaming, masturbation, and exposing different parts of the body are included in the framework of sexuality. These questions made many women (and researchers) feel confused about this so widely used term xing. At last, they asked us: what is xing? The thinking of 'what is xing' itself is probably a more important and positive reply we got from this study.

Appendix

Background of the interviewees (38 interviews)

Notes

[1] By listing different bodily touching practices and ask participants' opinion which is sexual, from vagina-penis intercourse, to touching different parts of the body such as the breast, vagina, leg, hand, lip etc.

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